You want to talk about being uncomfortable?
You want to complain that discussions about male harassment and violence against women make you feel uncomfortable and victimised.
These conversations make you uncomfortable?
How about being a sixteen year old girl, in your school uniform heading in to the deli before school and getting whistled at by a random adult male.
That’s uncomfortable.
How about hearing a discussion on the radio where the presenters (male and female) are arguing over whether women can be trusted to carry pepper spray without using it for revenge, without once touching on why a woman would feel the need to carry it.
That’s uncomfortable.
How about being a sixteen year old girl walking in the city and having an older man very clearly look you up and down appreciatively.
That’s uncomfortable.
And how about the fact that after she glares back in justified indignation she then realises that by challenging the rudeness she may have put herself in danger?
That’s not just uncomfortable, that’s frightening.
And how about this for uncomfortable – that she actually doesn’t know what puts her in greater danger; ignoring the wolf whistle, pretending to appreciate the attention or calling it out?
But you feel discomfort at being made to think about the culture of male violence against women that makes my sixteen year old daughter walk around in apprehension?? Yeah let’s talk about that …
As a teena
ge girl, as a woman, we live with uncomfortable all the time … recurring sexual glances, sexual innuendo, men telling and laughing at sexist jokes in our presence or at our expense, walking down the street and being hyper vigilant and often fearing for our lives … but yes, let’s focus on your discomfort…
You feel attacked and cry “not me”…
Why do the discussions make you uncomfortable when you argue they don’t apply to you? Is it because you are used to grouping others, but not being “grouped” yourselves? Is it because changing the culture will interfere with your male privilege? Is it because you know you could do more to change the culture?
You feel attacked and cry “not all men” …
Of course it is not all men but it could be any man. As Clementine Ford said we go out of our way to find the good in men we come across each day. We don’t go looking for the monster in men but we are wary that monsters come in the form of ordinary men.
Of course it is not all men but it could be any man…. even the good guys are culpable at times. The sexism and the things which make women uncomfortable still occur, whether it’s the whistle, the sexist joke, the look up and down the mansplaining.
Sure you might be a good guy but if your response to the discussion is becoming defensive then you still don’t get it.
Sure you might be a good guy but if you don’t stand against casual sexism you are condoning all of it.
Seein
g the sexism my daughters continue to face reinforces that part of my role as a feminist is as a parent preparing them to face that world and challenge those norms.
Watching them experience similar things to what I did thirty years ago with the wisdom that comes from living and learning highlights the battle they still have to fight.
And this is why I am a feminist.
Note: After preparing my notes for this article I then found Clementine Ford‘s article which brings a more detailed view.
Another article decrying the “monster myth” was written by Tom Meagher, after the murder of his wife, Jill Meagher
ANOTHER NOTE: This blog was written as part of a university assignment which is due tonight (22/8) after which I will be unable to comment or post until after the assignment is marked. If you do comment I will reply as soon as I am able.